The Night Police Locker Room; Episode 1: Merriment and Mirth

Updated: Mar 6

Conversations of a personal nature!

The locker room in any police department holds many secrets and even a few dreams. In it you'll come across the ordinary and occasionally mundane, funny, annoying and even seriously dramatic fragments of cop-life. And, you can count on bitches, and moans, 'cuz that's what we do. Not everything can be shared in the Locker Room, but an awful lot is.


This is the spot we've decided to devote to the pursuits we enjoy, the things that make us tick. Be it barbeque and all things smoke, fishing in the salt and sweet water or perhaps a missive on gunsmithing or reloading ammo. We'll likely touch on hunting, eating/drinking/laughing, camping, travel, and tying flies. Lucille and Molly Yoder, cigars, bars, cabins in the woods and writing lairs are favorite subjects of ours. Rod building, maps, and globes and of course, cooking and recipes will be discussed. Examples of our peculiar brand of humor, books, authors and perhaps our inspiration will make it into the episodes of The Night Police Locker Room.


Today, the subject is Mirthfulness.



The Night Police are staunch anti-politcally correctites (APC's)! You'll note this throughout our work.








Gary Larson, a long-time fave, routinely causes java spewage! What a funny man and in this 'real crime' themed cartoon he speaks to the risks of ballroom dancing. Paul and I have since given up the George Carlin inspired, cross-country, high-speed, competition ballroom dancing.














Ron White is our 'go to' for a historical perspective on law enforcement matters. Experience coupled with his well-chronicled, ruminative nuance provides a calming voice amidst the chaos.











"Can be blown away by shotgun at close range without dying."


Daffy Duck, Philosopher & Raconteur
















Robin Williams, comic genius and undeniably a darling cheerleader!


















I’ve never had a problem with drugs…I’ve had problems with the police.


Keith Richards, Rolling Stones













I don’t think cops should wear mirrored sunglasses; the

whole time the guy was chewing me out, all I could think

was “I should cut my bangs.”

Bonnie McFarlane, Canadian-American comic






This happens to be a great friend of ours who's an actual Viking! We call him Steven the Red. He's a storyteller extraordinaire and this is one of our faves!


Often times its good slap-stick comedy in a movie that sets us off. Some of it only works once or twice, but other schticks get us every time we watch. Most of the vintage National Lampoon movies are ripe with visual and verbal humor that we love. Here we give you a favorite scene from Christmas Vacation


Most things done by Eddie Murphy work for us. His December 2019 reappearance on SNL and a visit to Mr. Robinson’s Neighborhood makes our point.






Mark Twain on writing






  • A successful book is not made of what is in it, but of what is left out of it.

  • My books are water; those of the great geniuses are wine — everybody drinks water.

  • Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very’; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

  • I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

  • Classic: A book which people praise and don’t read.


Bars are another theme in our writing. The Night Police have been known to frequent a licensed premise every now and again. Ron White is very Night Police and we thought it appropriate to share with y'all.







Sir Winston Churchill on speaking







  • "Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip."

  • "There are two things that are more difficult than making an after-dinner speech: climbing a wall which is leaning toward you and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you."

  • "Don't interrupt me while I'm interrupting."

  • "A joke is a very serious thing."

  • "From now on, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put."

  • "If you have an important point to make, don't try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time—a tremendous whack."

  • "Everyone is in favor of free speech. Hardly a day passes without its being extolled, but some people's idea of it is that they are free to say what they like, but if anyone else says anything back, that is an outrage."

  • "I have never developed indigestion from eating my words."

  • "We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out."

  • "In the course of my life, I have often had to eat my words, and I must confess that I have always found it a wholesome diet."








"As a well seasoned gentleman I am now constantly amused by, and laugh at, my own folly and overall ignorance of things I should know about. P. J. Smith, Author and Night Policeman



Since we are in fact APC's, it's only right that George Carlin should lead the way, and in this case from behind!



We hope you've had a couple of chuckles. It sure as hell made us laugh putting this post together. We hope you'll join us for the next episode of The Night Police Locker Room; Episode 2 The Temple of 'Q



Don't forget to sign up for a complimentary download of

chapter one of The Night Police

© 2020 by Chris Berg & Paul James Smith.