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Law enforcement's "Whos On First?"

Updated: Mar 6, 2020

Endorsed by the Night Police!

A picture of Jack Webb and Johnny Carson together
Why do you think Cleveland’s Claude Cooper, would cop your clean copper clappers kept in your closet? Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

The Great Clapper Caper

Webb: "This is the City. Los Angeles, California. Some people rob for pleasure. Some rob because it's there. You never know. My name's Friday, I'm a cop. I was working the day watch out of Robbery when I got a call from the Acme School Bell Company. There'd been a robbery."

Carson: "There's been a robbery."

Webb: "Yes sir, what was it?"

Carson: "My clappers!"

Webb: "Your clappers?"

Carson: "Yeah, you know, those things inside a bell that makes them clang?"

Webb: "The clangers?"

Carson: "That's right, we call them clappers in the business."

Webb: "A clapper caper."

Carson: "What's that?"

Webb: "Nothing sir. Now, can I have the facts? What kind of clappers were stolen on this caper?"

Carson: "They were copper clappers."

Webb: "And where were they kept?"

Carson: "In the closet."

Webb: "Uh huh. You have any ideas who might have taken the copper clappers from the closet?"

Carson: "Well, just one. I fired a man. He swore he'd get even."

Webb: "What was his name?"

Carson: "Claude Cooper"

Webb: "You think he'd..."

Carson: "That that's right. I think Claude Cooper copped my copper clappers. Kept in a closet."

Webb: "You know where this Claude Cooper is from?"

Carson: "Yeah. Cleveland"

Webb: "That figures. That figures."

Carson: "What makes it worse, they were clean."

Webb: "Clean copper clappers."

Carson: "That's right."

Webb: "Why do you think Cleveland's Claude Cooper would cop your clean copper clappers kept in your closet?"

Carson: "Only one reason."

Webb: "What's that?"

Carson: "He's a kleptomaniac."

Webb: "Who first discovered the copper clappers were copped?"

Carson: "My cleaning woman, Clara Clifford."

Webb: "That figures. Now let me see if I got the facts straight here. Cleaning woman Clara Clifford discovered your clean copper clappers kept in a closet were copped by Claude Cooper the kleptomaniac from Cleveland. Now, is that about it?"

Carson: "One other thing."

Webb: "What's that?"

Carson: "If I ever catch kleptomaniac Claude Cooper from Cleveland who copped my clean copper clappers kept in the closet..."

Webb: "Yes?"

Carson: "I'll clobber him!"


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